Love Marriage vs. Arranged Marriage
Relationship Guidance may be required in both types of marriages. But which one is better? Let’s find out.
Can you spot a good relationship? Of course nobody knows what really goes on between any couple, but decades of scientific research into love, sex and relationships have taught us that a number of behaviors can predict when a couple is on solid ground or headed for troubled waters. Good relationships don’t happen overnight. They take commitment, compromise, forgiveness and most of all — effort. Keep reading for the latest in relationship science, fun quizzes and helpful tips to help you build a stronger bond with your partner.
Love and Romance
What’s Your Love Style?
When you say “I love you,” what do you mean?
Terry Hatkoff, a California State University sociologist, has created a love scale that identifies six distinct types of love found in our closest relationships.
- Romantic: Based on passion and sexual attraction
- Best Friends: Fondness and deep affection
- Logical: Practical feelings based on shared values, financial goals, religion etc.
- Playful: Feelings evoked by flirtation or feeling challenged
- Possessive: Jealousy and obsession
- Unselfish: Nurturing, kindness, and sacrifice
Researchers have found that the love we feel in our most committed relationships is typically a combination of two or three different forms of love. But often, two people in the same relationship can have very different versions of how they define love. Dr. Hatoff gives the example of a man and woman having dinner. The waiter flirts with the woman, but the husband doesn’t seem to notice, and talks about changing the oil in her car. The wife is upset her husband isn’t jealous. The husband feels his extra work isn’t appreciated.
What does this have to do with love? The man and woman each define love differently. For him, love is practical, and is best shown by supportive gestures like car maintenance. For her, love is possessive, and a jealous response by her husband makes her feel valued.
Understanding what makes your partner feel loved can help you navigate conflict and put romance back into your relationship. You and your partner can take the Love Style quiz from Dr. Hatkoff and find out how each of you defines love. If you learn your partner tends toward jealousy, make sure you notice when someone is flirting with him or her. If your partner is practical in love, notice the many small ways he or she shows love by taking care of everyday needs.
Are arranged marriages better than marrying for love?
Just a week ago as we were there in a marriage party, I saw a few of my friends debating over arranged and love marriages. As more people were in favour of love marriages, I thought my blog post should be for love this time. But then my mind whispered, ‘getting your parents to arrange someone for you is better – for they know what you want, and they will choose the best for you.’ Really there is a continuous debate regarding the best way to choose the partner for marriage. But can we really analyze which one is better?
Marriage is an important social institution and every individual wants to have a perfect match. In love marriages, individuals choose partners on their own, while in case of arranged marriages, partners are being chosen by the family. However, we all know that a great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences, be it love marriage or an arranged one.
Love marriage
– Both individuals know each other already and mutually decide to spend the whole life with each other.
– Couple is responsible for its choice and onus of the blame in future lies on the couple only and nobody else.
– Couple is aware of each other’s likes and dislikes. Therefore, they get along well.
– Such couples can help eradicate social evils like dowry with their mutual consent because they have the independence to take such decisions at their own level.
– Extravagant spending too, can be curbed through understanding between the couple.
Arranged marriage
– Arranged marriage is not a contract between two individuals alone but a confluence of two families.
– Two families involved in arranged marriages evaluate each other and marriages happen only when the two families are compatible with each other.
– Because there are more people involved in arranged marriage, the conflict between the couple will be effectively resolved or mitigated.
– In arranged marriages, couple is guided by parents whereas in love marriages couple may not be in a position to assess the future complexities in life that may arise.
Conclusion
Both – the love and the arranged marriages – have their merits as well as demerits and marriage is a decision of lifetime. Though families are involved in most of the marriages, yet it’s the couple who has to live together for lifetime. So, the decision to choose life partner should be left to the individuals. Ultimately, no one can certify the best way for a perfect marriage because just like life, marriages too are full of uncertainties.
And, remember that the success rate of marriage doesn’t depend upon whether it was arranged or not but rather on how the two people understand each other.
‘Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it be rather a moving sea between the shores of your souls.’
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